Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
