I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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