i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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