My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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