Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
