So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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