Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
