If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
