how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
