I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
