3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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