My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
