I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
