I've blown a few things in my day
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
