Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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