we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
