This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
