He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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