it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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