Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
