Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
