Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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