i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
