I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
