i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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