I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
