He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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