just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
