he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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