i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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