So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
