We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
