Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
