guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
