They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
