Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
