just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
