how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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