But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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