apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
