the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
