His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
