He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Congratulations! We have a period
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
