imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
