At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
