So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
