all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
