i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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