It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
