Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
third nipple confirmed
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
