I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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