I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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