I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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