You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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