I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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