K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
